Grace for the Moment....

As I drove off from the local Hardee's, My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. Let me back up and tell you why....

We were rushing out the door for church and I had not gone to the grocery store so we were out of everything food wise. I needed to do a quick run through a drive thru. Which never happens before church because I hate drive thru breakfast. I am not a fan of fast food period and I won't get on my soap box about how unhealthy it is to eat fast food, so I will leave that there. Nonetheless, we went to Hardee's for breakfast....when I got to the window to pay, my daughter said, "Mom, tell her Jesus loves her."

 

And I froze!!

 

Why? I don't know. I have prayed with people a good bit during my walk with Christ but I am different today. I have come into an understanding that I had not known before. I tasted of the Lord's love but I am learning to walk more in his love than I ever have in times past. I am realizing that HE didn't save me just because I was lost and that reason only. But that I would show HIS great love for a hurting world to those that are hurting. Perhaps my daughter saw that she needed to know that or she believed that everyone we encounter needs to encounter HIM.

 

 

In that moment, I just wanted to get to church "the safe zone for ministry" right? LOL!!

Not so!!

We are supposed to BE that Jesus encounter to those that need to know HIM.

Everywhere We Go!

 

I missed it today...."In everything set them an example of good" Titus 2:7

My daughter needed to see it lived out....and I missed it.

 

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone that believes" Romans 1:16

A very moving song.....

This song brought tears to my eyes. It definitely calls you to ponder how you walk through this life. God is so good...oh, Lord that we have eyes to see it and ears to hear!

"His mother kept all these things in her heart." Luke 2:51b

Prayerfully seeking God...

Wow...I can't believe it has been this long since I have posted here. Time simply continues to press on no matter what we say about it, right :)
There has been so many things weighing heavily on my heart lately...I have to say I am just prayerfully seeking the Father for direction. No matter what.... I have decided to dive into the things of God and take every necessary step that He calls me to. This pushes me out of my box.

Have you ever felt like you just want/need to draw close to HIM?

There is a point that goes beyond just a day to day seeking; it's a desperation for more of HIM!

"Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You. Reveal to me the way I should go because I long for You." Psalm 143:8

God has been so faithful to me. I can't begin to express the magnitude. Yet there is a longing in my spirit for more. Another verse that has been ringing in my spirit is this:

"Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn." Psalm 57:8

I don't fully know where He is leading me on this journey but I know He is with me on it. In the days to come I will be in continual prayer. I ask you to come along with me? On this journey of prayer; a deeper longing for more of Him?

His Presence...

"If your presence does not go,.....Don't make us go up from here." Exodus 33:15

I have longed for His presence lately, more than usual. I realized that this truly is my hearts desire, that I be in His presence. For a long time I wanted to just be good on the outside....you know having right words, the right modest attire, well behaved kids.....having a godly appearance. Don't misunderstand me, I wanted the ways of the Lord.In doing all those things, I thought, I must be pleasing the Father which meant I belonged to Him. First let me say, If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you belong to Him ; therefore being declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God (Romans 5:1). 

You see in the passage of scripture above, Moses realized that there was nothing of greater value than to have the presence of God with him. Being able to talk with God and know Him. He would rather stay in the wilderness  and have the presence of God, than to go to a land of continual riches and the best of all things good. God told Moses in Exodus 33 that He would send an angel with him and that He would fulfill his promise to the children of Israel only He was not going up with a stiff-necked people.

And Moses essentially said, 
No, please don't tell me to go without you, Lord! 

How often do we just go through the motions of a christian life doing good things, accomplishing much but not seeking His presence?Maybe we say a quick prayer and read a verse here or there; but never have enough time to actually enter in.What if we make it to church on time every Sunday and leave, not being moved with compassion? What if  our prayers slowly become more and more about making our lives a little bit easier and better; leaving out the widowed, the orphaned, and the sick?

"How will it be known that I and Your people have found favor in Your sight unless You go with us?" Exodus 33:16

I am learning that even in my vain attempt to walk this thing out right; I missed a vital part of the journey.
That is to know HIM.
 And not just to know Him, having only a head knowledge, but to know Him presence to presence.To begin to take on the very heart of God. Realizing that He has called us all to enter behind the veil.

A time when there is no more....

As I sat in my rocker, I thought ....there is coming a time very soon when I will not be washing diapers twice a week.

 And I'm sad.....

Should I be sad? Why do I not want to move into a different season? 

A season when my littles aren't so little anymore. I want to move past some things and freeze time on the others. Having smooth, well-oiled days all of sudden doesn't sound so appealing to me. Taking the good with the bad, I guess. I want my two year old out of the terrible twos yet I want to keep him two! A stage that is so precious. That I'm actually enjoying for the  first time with my fourth child.

Crazy, I know :)

I never paid attention before. I tended to focus more on the negative then. Something that comes from God's freedom is a positive attitude. I'm not so angry anymore...I'm not rushing to happiness anymore.
I actually took time this year and enjoyed the season change from winter to spring.

Amazing!!

God holds all in His tender hands. The love and comfort that I long for and the eye openers that I need.

Praise the Lord, for His goodness endures forever. 

To the ends of the earth, it flows.

So richly among us all. Precious moments of endearment with a glimpse of His face. His constant drawing releasing His children that had been captive to the enemy's sling.

Freedom! 
We call out and He turns an ear. Setting in motion our deliverance. 

Praise the Lord, for His mercy endures forever.

And flows to the ends of the earth. Rescuing His dear ones from the yokes we so easily become entangled in. 
Deliverance! 
We cry out and He turns a ready ear. Releasing the Savior to break the chains and draw His daughters near.

To my face I fall, knowing that now I'm counted as one so dear. 

The blood that broke the yokes also drips to bring me peace. Restoring and rebuilding this temple now saved by grace. 

Praise my God, for His love endures forever to the ends of the earth, it flows. 

Thank you, Lord that I'm counted as one so dear.

In His grace,

Along the way

"He sent forth His word and healed them..." Psalm 107:20

A Journey worth taking....

"When Paul got to the steps, he had to be carried by the soldiers because of the mob's violence,"

Acts 21:35

After reading the events in Acts 21 and 22 with a slightly different set of eyes; the emotion overtook me. The journey to the top of those stairs must have been hard  but to Paul, it was everything. He had to move. He was compelled to it. Completely over taken with such a Christ-like passion; He girded himself and spoke to the very ones wishing his death came sooner than later. I don't know how many steps he had been carried down before he began the track back up; but i figure with every step his heart beat with the enormous  compassion of God for the lost ones that yelled out to him. You see, he had committed his life to the 

ONLY ONE who saves and sanctifies.

How do I get there? I ask myself. 

I've had such encounters of overflow with God; yet there are still moments when I choose feelings over His precious love. How I want to take such a journey attesting to your amazing love! Not so much in the same way but with the same heart. Continue, Lord  to draw me to the well of life. You are blessing me along the way. Freedom in Christ is a gift worth desiring.....

and falling to my knees............

is a journey worth taking.

"Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." ~Romans 5:1~

In HIS hands....

I've discovered that there are areas of my life that I have chosen to hold on to, even though I know the joy that taking hold of the freedom we have in Christ brings.
There are things that I have consciously told the Lord, "I can't go there...or...I'm not emotionally ready to uproot that.....or....who am I apart from that?"

And the latter thought is where i am going to focus....

You see, it seems that in a world that challenges our identities constantly; we feel the need to prove ourselves constantly. And I'm learning to rest in the truth that I am His daughter, whom He loves and desires.

There is a specific part of me that God has brought me around to again....and to let it go or dig in deeper, emotionally my heart says, "Who will i be without this?" 

Definitely a freed person indeed and a more joyous, abounding with the love of God person.

I've learned that on the other side of this is the cycle of coming out of the feeling of death..... then God presents life to me again....Will I grab hold of Love's perfect hand and allow Him to usher me into complete freedom, or will i sink back? Because you can't be at a stand still ....I can't just tuck it away and continue to move in the Lord in other areas.I've seen that hurt will be like a poison that contaminates all the other areas of my walk with Him.

It will be revealed!

He loves us too much to not deal with the secret things in our heart.

Aren't we thankful for that :) God exposing those deeply rooted areas allows us to see Him....just a little closer..... to know Him as our deliverer and redeemer.

"The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and HIS ears are attentive to their cry...."~Psalm34:15


Listen to God's heart here is this video......

".....If only You would bless me, extend my border, let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm, so that I will not cause any pain......" 1 Chronicles 4:10

Sweet Peace....

I have been so caught up in the day to day and completing everything on "my list". Washing, drying, folding and putting away clothes; cooking, cleaning, doing hair, changing diapers,decluttering,grocery shopping, doctor appointments, homeschooling, and I could go on and on a bit more but I think you get the point. 

As women our "list" can get out of control. I realized that chaos had crept into my daily routine completely unannounced! 

Finally when I slowed down enough and looked around; I found that I had, indeed, accomplished nothing.

Now this is coming from a girl that lives to see the finished product. I don't like to even begin something without being able to see the finished product. 

Can't you just hear Jesus laughing......? 

I find myself being drawn to a verse that I had come to know very well....

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. 

I began to focus on my to do list and not on the most important thing. 

I had my day set up initially, focusing on Christ, from the beginning to the end of my day.

Some how it became the last thing on my list. Something I tried to rush through just so that it could get checked off.

I began losing the peace that governed my day, my life. A peace that I so desperately needed.

Have you ever found yourself there?

The dirty clothes kept coming , just as fast as I had washed them. The sink continued to fill up with dirty dishes day after day and lets face it in the phase I'm in with 4 little ones, decluttering is and will be never ending :)

But time spent in the very presence of God will always be precious. It will always be needed and something to be desired. 

It quenches an area that no amount of work can fill. It sweetly strengthens our very being to undoubtedly accomplish HIS every desire; all the things on HIS list. That is the list that we long for, right? A list that will never be overbearing but sweetly blesses our souls and spirit.

I'm going to change my course. No more trying to outwardly order my day but allowing the Father to inwardly order me and that order will spill into every aspect of my daily life. Not only for my sake but my family's as well.

"In everything set them an example by doing what is good."Titus 2:7

Am I ready...? Are you ready....?

Let's dive in!

"I will listen to what God will say; surely the LORD will declare peace to HIS people, HIS godly ones, and not let them go back to foolish ways." 

Psalm 85:8

Update...

As you read in the previous post, I decided to choose peace rather continue to argue about what was in the best interest of our family concerning homeschooling. Prayer, prayer and more prayer :) ! In that moment of total surrender I began to feel the peace and rest I so desired from the LORD. So after a couple of days I approached my hubby and this topic again with a different attitude. We discussed our differences, though he did not change his  mind he still feels strongly about the structure of a school system; but, we did decided since i have already purchased all the materials for this upcoming school year we would carry on with homeschool for this next year and look at it again for the next year. 


I realized what had affected me so deeply with our first conversation.....I saw it as a direct threat to my abilities. He had, in my mind, affirmed what I had already toiled with and that is...." I'm failing them". Some way some how I was not measuring up. All the things i had tried was not changing my children's behavior. 


I will continue to pray and petition the Father for wisdom and a right spirit in and through all of this. HE WILL affirm me. 

"For I know the thoughts that i think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you." ~Jeremiah 29:11-12~

homeschool or public school?

I have so enjoyed homeschooling for the past 4 years. It has been such a blessing to see and know God as I have during this time.But the question has arouse yet again in discussion with my hubby; whether to continue homeschooling or send them to a nearby public school, as we cannot afford a private christian school. 

He strongly desires for them to go to school. His reasons are noble and understanding. My heart literally is breaking even as I am typing. I long to shape my children's world and guide their filtering processes through the word and personhood of God the Father. But I cannot ignore a very real desire of my husband's. So, as painfully as this is for me; I am going to wave my white flag.

So, Please be in prayer and intercession for me and my family as we step into a journey that deeply breaks my heart. Though this is but one element of motherhood and homemaking; it is a very rooted area for me.

~"Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you."~ 2 Corinthians 13:11


~"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."~Ecclesiastes 3:1


~"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; And lean not on your own understanding...."~Proverbs 3:5


~"So there is HOPE for your future, declares the LORD. Your children will return to their own land."~ Jeremiah 31:17

Hope....

"....there is a faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven"

Colossians 1:5

There is such great joy in knowing that the much needed faith and love literally comes from the hope that Christ

has stored up for me. It is not something that I have to work toward to obtain. Now let me clarify that "work" to me was me trying to be approved by God. Not so!! 

Praise God, that He is setting me free from 

approval addiction (more in the coming days on this liberation).We do need to take steps in obedience to exercise that faith.

 Now we know that it is an everlasting hope, whose flame can not be burned out. There is always room for hope :) ! 

No matter the storm or the circumstance hope will get us to the next step and the next step. 

It helps me to remember that God is 

always in control and He working it out for my good. 

I love it ;) ! 

In Galatians , Paul writes, "It is for freedoms sake that Christ set us free." I am finding such a freedom in allowing God to cultivate my faith and make me a channel of love for those around me.

"Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed."

Isaiah 49:23