Prayerfully seeking God...

Wow...I can't believe it has been this long since I have posted here. Time simply continues to press on no matter what we say about it, right :)
There has been so many things weighing heavily on my heart lately...I have to say I am just prayerfully seeking the Father for direction. No matter what.... I have decided to dive into the things of God and take every necessary step that He calls me to. This pushes me out of my box.

Have you ever felt like you just want/need to draw close to HIM?

There is a point that goes beyond just a day to day seeking; it's a desperation for more of HIM!

"Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You. Reveal to me the way I should go because I long for You." Psalm 143:8

God has been so faithful to me. I can't begin to express the magnitude. Yet there is a longing in my spirit for more. Another verse that has been ringing in my spirit is this:

"Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn." Psalm 57:8

I don't fully know where He is leading me on this journey but I know He is with me on it. In the days to come I will be in continual prayer. I ask you to come along with me? On this journey of prayer; a deeper longing for more of Him?

Going natural.....

Wow! Let me say this....... In the beginning when i began transitioning May of last year; I was beside myself with so much excitement. Through out the year I walked the road of knowing my hubby was not to keen on my decision but settled, knowing that I had very little knowledge of how to care for my hair in this state, and really there was no one around me that looked like me. Okay i know what you are thinking.....

.....hello...!! 

why do you care what everyone else thinks?

Well apparently I cared a whole lot more than even I knew. God did though... and He knew exactly the liberty He was ushering me into. Not only was He leading me into a more natural lifestyle for myself through hair, cloth diapering my little one, and food changes; He planted me in a Beth Moore bible study that would eventually shake me to the core. He began a process of showing me how I truly saw myself and it was not how He saw me. Without going into all of that, I will say He is "...renewing a right spirit within me..."(Ps.51:10)

 After transitioning for 9 1/2 months, I decided to braid my hair up to push through the last 2 months. Since I wanted to transition for a year. Well, that was fine until I took them out with a month to go. And to my dismay my relaxed hair was all dreaded up and had to be cut. Leaving me with no choice but to do my big chop at 11 months transitioning. I discovered that I was no more ready to do my big chop at 11 months as I was at the first month. I literally cried. I had everything i needed for natural hair as I had been collecting all year. But that wasn't my problem......

Will I no longer be beautiful?
A question that rolled around in my head more times than i  can count.
I was about to discover that God had a different meaning for beauty....and I was far from understanding.

When we tell our children that they are so beautiful, we can believe it for them. We know and understand that God made them beautiful just the way they are.

But do we always believe that for ourselves??


To know that this is all part of the journey....a journey worth taking.










" In her chamber, the royal daughter is all glorious.........." Psalm45:13a


"Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing; You hold my future. The boundary lines  have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. " Psalm 16:5-6

Trusting God in the unknown places....

Though we all have experiences times of closeness with the Lord; there are simply seasons that we journey through that are far from familiar and we don't know exactly which way to turn. 

Trust God!

It is where our constant peace and provision rest. 

He is with me...., 

I am reminded in a song or  in the Word often.

I've journeyed through a place of feeling completely ripped a part and the broken pieces can't be put together by me alone. 

Thank God that He is the master at rebuilding and putting the pieces together in a way that we are healed and restored. 

No longer shattered.
                                                            Beauty for ashes........

.

"....and provide for those who grieve in Zion to bestow on them a crown of beauty  instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3

In our brokenness....

It has been a while since i have been here.....though i have not ceased to write. I love it.....It is just something about meeting Him there in quiet, just you and Him with your paper and pen.
So here is a sneak peek into my journal and where I have been these past weeks...............

~ Lord, as today comes to a slow end; I realize that you really are good. And I wouldn't know your goodness was so drastically good if, at times, I didn't hurt. I wouldn't need to know. But through your grace the pain and hurt of this life is worth it to know your goodness. TO know your sweet love for your daughters. When everything seems to be so hard and the life you long for seems so far out of reach; you oh Lord, are right there with me. Thank you that you don't leave me comfortless because THE COMFORTER is with me. Though the tears seem to readily come, stinging my eyes for hours on out; I know that they were not wasted but counted by  you, Father. For you know the very depths of my heart and you know where you are taking me. You know exactly where this brokenness is taking me.I pray you pick up the shattered pieces and put them together according to your perfect will.~

In His grace,

Along the way

So many times my brokenness is wasted because i don't seek the comfort of the Lord or His way. I simply erect an even bigger wall. Further causing my heart to not be fertile ground for His word to penetrate and SET ME FREE. There are just somethings that hurt which are direct results of declarations that i made inwardly and God desires to liberate me from.....When the walls are so thick i can't see HIM and I miss His hand in it.

"It is for freedom, Christ has set us free. Stand firm,then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." ~Galatians 5:1

Something I am memorizing.......

 God is goodness. He can be nothing less! And I am thankful for that!

I have enjoyed this song along the way.......

Praise God along this journey called life for He is worthy of our praise:)

"Lord you are my portion and my cup of blessings; You hold my future." Psalm 16:5

A Journey worth taking....

"When Paul got to the steps, he had to be carried by the soldiers because of the mob's violence,"

Acts 21:35

After reading the events in Acts 21 and 22 with a slightly different set of eyes; the emotion overtook me. The journey to the top of those stairs must have been hard  but to Paul, it was everything. He had to move. He was compelled to it. Completely over taken with such a Christ-like passion; He girded himself and spoke to the very ones wishing his death came sooner than later. I don't know how many steps he had been carried down before he began the track back up; but i figure with every step his heart beat with the enormous  compassion of God for the lost ones that yelled out to him. You see, he had committed his life to the 

ONLY ONE who saves and sanctifies.

How do I get there? I ask myself. 

I've had such encounters of overflow with God; yet there are still moments when I choose feelings over His precious love. How I want to take such a journey attesting to your amazing love! Not so much in the same way but with the same heart. Continue, Lord  to draw me to the well of life. You are blessing me along the way. Freedom in Christ is a gift worth desiring.....

and falling to my knees............

is a journey worth taking.

"Therefore, since we have been declared righteous by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." ~Romans 5:1~

In HIS hands....

I've discovered that there are areas of my life that I have chosen to hold on to, even though I know the joy that taking hold of the freedom we have in Christ brings.
There are things that I have consciously told the Lord, "I can't go there...or...I'm not emotionally ready to uproot that.....or....who am I apart from that?"

And the latter thought is where i am going to focus....

You see, it seems that in a world that challenges our identities constantly; we feel the need to prove ourselves constantly. And I'm learning to rest in the truth that I am His daughter, whom He loves and desires.

There is a specific part of me that God has brought me around to again....and to let it go or dig in deeper, emotionally my heart says, "Who will i be without this?" 

Definitely a freed person indeed and a more joyous, abounding with the love of God person.

I've learned that on the other side of this is the cycle of coming out of the feeling of death..... then God presents life to me again....Will I grab hold of Love's perfect hand and allow Him to usher me into complete freedom, or will i sink back? Because you can't be at a stand still ....I can't just tuck it away and continue to move in the Lord in other areas.I've seen that hurt will be like a poison that contaminates all the other areas of my walk with Him.

It will be revealed!

He loves us too much to not deal with the secret things in our heart.

Aren't we thankful for that :) God exposing those deeply rooted areas allows us to see Him....just a little closer..... to know Him as our deliverer and redeemer.

"The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and HIS ears are attentive to their cry...."~Psalm34:15


Listen to God's heart here is this video......

".....If only You would bless me, extend my border, let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm, so that I will not cause any pain......" 1 Chronicles 4:10

sweet blessing.....

As Christians, we sometimes wonder about our value. I heard this song this afternoon and just had to share. I have been right here a time too many, so this really was such a blessing to me today.

In His gracious love,
Along the Way

The Daughter of the King

Who am I, that He would steal away to sit with me.

Who am I, that He would rush to comfort me. 

Who am I, that He would step down to rescue me.

Who am I

But His Beloved,

Beloved Daughter.

~by  Along the way~

~"You've so focused on becoming a mother; have you ever wondered if God wants you to focus first on being His Daughter?"~The Beautiful fight, by Gary Thomas

I came across this line while reading Gary Thomas's "The Beautiful Fight" (who is, by the way, an amazing author; one who challenges you to step into the role God has called you to.)

And  my heart began to ponder so many questions......what does a daughter of  the King of Kings look like? What does it feel like to be HIS daughter? How does she behave? how does she sound? 

I don't quite know. I should, I really should know a little by now, and maybe a little is all I know. I know that I've been forgiven time and time again. I've been restored and given a promise. A promise of Hope, love and long suffering.

~As she got off her donkey Caleb asked her, "What do you want?" She answered him, "Give me a blessing. Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me springs of water also." So Caleb gave her both the upper and lower springs.~ Judges 1:14-15

*I encourage you to read the whole account in Judges 1:12-15*

There was such beauty in this passage. He gave his daughter to someone who (he thought) could keep her safe and who would die for her. She was able to ask whatever her heart desired from her father and he gave it to her. She knew him and she knew his love for her. This is but one precious example from the Word, but we are still writing our story. God is still dispelling the enemy and creating a haven for us. He is still answering our request.

              And I will leave you with something I've heard the Father say to me time and time again.......

~Daughter ,O , Daughter lift up your eyes to the hills and there you will find me. There you will hear my voice.~

~Look at how great a love the Father has given us that we should be called God's children.~ 

1 John 3:1

~....and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with HIS son Jesus Christ. We are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.~ 1 John 1:3b-4

Part of the Journey......

The question arose while pondering this new quest of God's peace, "If I had the chance to go back would I choose differently......would I make the choice to home school? Would I choose to stay at home with my children and build my home?"

I believe in my heart of hearts I choose the high road. I choose the path that Christ has laid out for me. 

For me.....I miss that sometimes. 

I get caught up in the thoughts that I'm doing this for them only, that they may know the Lord ( which is a major reason why I'm doing this but not that alone). That they may in turn choose the way of our Lord. Today as I began the book of Judges, I read how an entire generation arose that did not know the Lord. The very people who swore to keep the commandments that Moses brought to them from the Lord. The same people that were miraculously delivered.

 Oh, how I began to cry out that the Lord might make this word a mirror to me. Show me, Father, the reflections of my heart. 

Is my life exemplifying the Father in  such a way that just 2 generations  later my offspring will still proclaim the name of Jesus or is it just enough to save my children for now?

I wondered in the beginning how does this tie in with the aforementioned questions. Oh, but it is so inter-woven through every fiber. Praise God that He didn't desire to save Abraham for salvation sake for Abraham alone, but for the seed that was within Abraham. That I might be saved today and proclaiming HE is Lord to my family. How awesome is that! How dare I entertain the notion of anything less.

Yes, yes, a million times YES......I would choose this way. I would choose the high road. I want to know Him with all that is within me, even as I've been know. He is so good :)

"....another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel."  Judges 2:10b

Building our homes....

"Every wise woman builds her house...." Proverbs 14:1

I came across this topic in a generation ceder post and it got me to thinking; in my everyday activities such as homeschooling, Sunday service, wednesday night prayer and other serving opportunities that we do along this road to godliness; what are we doing to build our homes?

All the things that we do to "glorify" God are good things in themselves but do you find yourself just going and going.....Are we really building our homes in all of this?
In all of our trivial pursuits as a wife and mother we find that this title bears a much greater calling then many of us can even comprehend. And might I add creates a desire for many to achieve excellence.

As wives and mother's we tend to get caught up in getting everything done and teaching every lesson; and the question God is asking me and many of you is "In all of this, what are you doing to build your homes?" Making it a place where MY Presence is known and abides..... Where the hearts are receptive and seeking My Voice...Where love,worship and servanthood is a center focus....??

So here I am on this pursuit of finding who I am by discovering who HE is, and HE drops this question......
I'm not quite sure of why, but I am learning that I cannot do this apart from HIM. And that it is only by faith that I can do this with HIM.

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him,for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." Hebrews 11:6

" In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge."

Proverbs 14:26

Sweet Peace....

I have been so caught up in the day to day and completing everything on "my list". Washing, drying, folding and putting away clothes; cooking, cleaning, doing hair, changing diapers,decluttering,grocery shopping, doctor appointments, homeschooling, and I could go on and on a bit more but I think you get the point. 

As women our "list" can get out of control. I realized that chaos had crept into my daily routine completely unannounced! 

Finally when I slowed down enough and looked around; I found that I had, indeed, accomplished nothing.

Now this is coming from a girl that lives to see the finished product. I don't like to even begin something without being able to see the finished product. 

Can't you just hear Jesus laughing......? 

I find myself being drawn to a verse that I had come to know very well....

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. 

I began to focus on my to do list and not on the most important thing. 

I had my day set up initially, focusing on Christ, from the beginning to the end of my day.

Some how it became the last thing on my list. Something I tried to rush through just so that it could get checked off.

I began losing the peace that governed my day, my life. A peace that I so desperately needed.

Have you ever found yourself there?

The dirty clothes kept coming , just as fast as I had washed them. The sink continued to fill up with dirty dishes day after day and lets face it in the phase I'm in with 4 little ones, decluttering is and will be never ending :)

But time spent in the very presence of God will always be precious. It will always be needed and something to be desired. 

It quenches an area that no amount of work can fill. It sweetly strengthens our very being to undoubtedly accomplish HIS every desire; all the things on HIS list. That is the list that we long for, right? A list that will never be overbearing but sweetly blesses our souls and spirit.

I'm going to change my course. No more trying to outwardly order my day but allowing the Father to inwardly order me and that order will spill into every aspect of my daily life. Not only for my sake but my family's as well.

"In everything set them an example by doing what is good."Titus 2:7

Am I ready...? Are you ready....?

Let's dive in!

"I will listen to what God will say; surely the LORD will declare peace to HIS people, HIS godly ones, and not let them go back to foolish ways." 

Psalm 85:8

Homemade butter....

So I decided to make my own butter; and boy did i enjoy it :) ! It is such a delight to actually set out to make something and that something is the result....if you know what I mean. 

Okay, before I ventured out to try this I looked it up and then watched a few youtube videos.

Recipe:

1 qt. heavy whipping cream

pinch of salt 

2 drops pure vanilla (optional) 

I added the vanilla because I wanted to use this specifically as a spread for some fresh homemade bread.

So phase one: place ingredients into a deep bowl.

I used a stationary mixer, so all i had to do was just spin the bowl. 

 And blend some more until you begin to see.......

 .....the tiny yellow chucks begin to seperate from the milky liquid.

 Then I poured it into a strainer and placed a bowl underneath to catch the liquid as you also make butter milk.

 Then i took the crumb-like butter and molded in my hands, pressing the liquid out of it.

Here is the finished product.

It was delicious!! And a great creamy spread for your homemade bread!

The butter milk, which is the by product, works well for homemade biscuits! 

Enjoy :) !




~"She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong."~ Proverbs 31:17 

Hope....

"....there is a faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven"

Colossians 1:5

There is such great joy in knowing that the much needed faith and love literally comes from the hope that Christ

has stored up for me. It is not something that I have to work toward to obtain. Now let me clarify that "work" to me was me trying to be approved by God. Not so!! 

Praise God, that He is setting me free from 

approval addiction (more in the coming days on this liberation).We do need to take steps in obedience to exercise that faith.

 Now we know that it is an everlasting hope, whose flame can not be burned out. There is always room for hope :) ! 

No matter the storm or the circumstance hope will get us to the next step and the next step. 

It helps me to remember that God is 

always in control and He working it out for my good. 

I love it ;) ! 

In Galatians , Paul writes, "It is for freedoms sake that Christ set us free." I am finding such a freedom in allowing God to cultivate my faith and make me a channel of love for those around me.

"Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed."

Isaiah 49:23

An eye opening book

I purchased this book sometime last summer. I was so excited when it came in the mail. I began reading it and then got very side tracked. Being a mother of four, homeschooling, a wife and homemaking; it gets to be a little overwhelming. But Thank God that He never gives up and is always there to softly guide us back to where He desires for us to be.
   Gary Thomas has a unique way of revealing the truth with practical application thats biblical!!! He does not cover up or dress it up. He is a bold author, who writes under the unction of the Holy Spirit.  The Beautiful Fight, is an amazing eye opening read that challenges you to hear and see the the Father through a more proper lens so that you can more effectively walk out the Christ-life. It has not ceased to speak directly to my heart. Oh, to know the Father in such a way and to continually draw closer to HIM is my hearts desire.

"The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears, I have not drawn back." 

Isaiah 50:4-5

"The more I live this way, the more my heart sings with Paul when he calls 

Christianity a beautiful fight, " the only race worth running"(2 Timothy 4:7 MSG) -excerpt  from The Beautiful Fight by Gary Thomas, p.129.

Prom photography shoot

My sister celebrating her last year at Westview Middle School. They ended the year with a prom and here are the pictures.

Good Morning Girls

So very excited to  be joining a group of wonderful ladies. 

Challenging one another ( iron sharpening iron).

Blessing one another daily!

• Psalm 127:1
• John 15:4-5
• Matthew 6:33
• 2 Timothy 1:5
• Proverbs 6:20-22

~Be Blessed~

"Then you will know that I AM the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed"

~Isaiah 49:23~

Moments that Overwhelm...

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."~Romans15:13

I love and cherish the moments that overwhelm me. I want to fall to my knees and praise HIS name. I do mean "overwhelm" in a very good way. In a way that I know that I know it's HIM. It has such an anointing that takes me immediately to that safe dwelling in your presence. Oh, the peace and joy that I find there. I could live there. No, I want to live there. In full acknowledgement of who He is. To be right in the face of the Father.There is a level of comfort that blesses my soul all the way to the core.That smooth, rich sap that covers from the top of my head to the souls of my feet. I thank you Lord for such a blessing! Things simply can't measure up. I can do it now. This is the much needed out pouring of strength to continue on this journey that you've(my God) called me to. My heart has been encouraged. IT has been strengthened. I am enjoying such a great reward. This life you've called me to is reward in itself. Thank you for drawing near to me and exposing your heart. A glimpse at your face is worth the journey.

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence

with eternal pleasures at your right hand." ~Psalm 16:11

"......so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus,

 to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."~Acts 20:24

"Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand 

those who take refuge in you." ~Psalm 17:7

Gentle love....

After reading this morning, I'm reminded of how sweet and gentle God's love is toward me.

How He lovingly embraces me when I hurt and when I'm happy.

How He delights in such an embrace.

I'm falling in love with being in His presence.I run to it as the woman in Proverbs seeks her lover. 

I'm finding that there is the place where I'm safe to release it all.

The place where it is okay to be me.

Where I can walk into the room and not feel ashamed; knowing wholeheartedly that I belong.

Not because of anything I've done or not done; but everything to do with what He has done.

A love so sweet and comforting.

A love that restores with no condemnation.

A love that reminds you of His purpose.

A love that edifies and blesses in spite of.

A love that longs for me.

Unexplainable but so undeniable.

My Alabaster box

"Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped HIS feet with her hair." John 12:3

                I've been giving a lot of thought to my goals for this year 2011. I realize above all things; I desire to pour the contents of my alabaster box out on HIS feet. It does not belong to me anyway. Here is what I've come up with so far.....

1. Spend more time on my knees in prayer. Driving down the road one day, I realized I had did away with the thought of prayer on my knees. I prayed standing, while cleaning, or sitting in a chair, driving but i didn't spend time on my knees.Don't get me wrong, these are all acceptable ways to pray but the posture taken when on your knees points me back to breaking my alabaster box and pouring it out.
2.Scripture Memorization. Something I had not really thought about before. I always thought just reading the word daily would be enough. I will eventually get it when its necessary. Now i am making a place for the word of God in my life.
3.Concentrate on spending Quality one-on-one time with all four kids.
4.To put an effective schedule into place. This is to ensure that I begin to be a good steward of my time. Accomplishing the things that God intends for me each day.
    "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
5. To spend quality time with hubby. ~as that is a wife's desire anyway~
6.Do the 365 day photography challenge. The goal is to find my 3rd eye again.
7. I am creating  a 52 week poetry/writing challenge. Bringing back to two of my most beloved hobbies.

I am so excited! God ended the year placing me within some amazing networks that reassured me of being apart of HIS body, and brought about books that together will encourage me throughout the year to accomplish HIS desires for my life and my family during the year 2011!

Looking in.....

Yesterday, after having an amazing time with the Lord, I had a melt down. I became so frazzled. I, in all my humanness, could not see in front of me. I gathered myself enough to call my husband and God gave him direction. Afterwards, I began speaking inwardly and realized the words I had been mulling over was then being tested. Was it truth to me or was it just something nice to know. Oh, It's TRUTH now! In all things I have to trust you and continue to do good and think good. Responding with gentleness and a confident spirit went out the window and fear stood strong and overbearing. I am reminded of Jesus saying, ".....Satan has asked excessively for you, that he might sift you like wheat, BUT I prayed for you....."I absolutely love it! I believe because I have been spending time with HIM that I was alerted early what was actually taking place and quickly came back to one accord with the Father. Thank you, Lord, that you are for me and on my side as long as I am on the side of righteousness and truth. Days like this brings me happily back to my knees. To bless my Lord and yet again pour out the contents of my alabaster box.