Give me ears to hear.......

"A house and wealth are inherited from fathers, 

but a sensible wife is from the LORD." 

Proverbs 19:14

Being a wife brings about so many aspects of womanhood, but the one that rings loudly to me is dying to self. So much of the time I find myself saying," I want it to be about me today, Lord!" Yet the computer wins out every time. It (the computer) greets my hubby on quick lunch breaks and after work most days; and last night I decided that I was fed up with it. It's not like the computer can make his lunch and dinner :) So I walk up stairs fuming,and I plopped down into bed and picked up my book with force and began reading.  And God began to speak to my spirit "pay attention." It was not harsh, though that is just what I deserved with my behavior, though it was inward actions. 

   I opened "The Beautiful Fight" by Gary Thomas, and began reading where I had left off. Here He is writing a letter of encouragement to his daughter's dance instructor........

                                    ......The way you love your husband, respect him, honor him, and live with him

                               will be seen by so many future wives. The way you talk about him, 
the way they see you treat him, could have profound influence. So it only makes sense that 

   this could be an area of attack. Every marriage 

has seasons-the on-the-mountaintop seasons, 

the difficult seasons,and even just the tired seasons-where two people 

can slowly drift from each other without even knowing it. I

 obviously don't have any idea what season your marriage is in, 

but as a brother I encourage you to continue to move toward your

 husband, to pray to God about your heart for him, and to ask 

God to renew your love and devotion. (The beautiful fight, pg.78)

My eyes began to tear up because I knew it was God speaking directly through this passage to my heart. And I thank God for giving me ears to hear him speak and eyes to see HIS heart for me.

You see, God has called wives to love their husbands in many of the same ways that we love our LORD. He, the Lord , created us for relationship and through further prayer last night; I realized that was the sore spot for me. In yet another eye opening experience, God says, "that is what I desire also". HE showed me through my heart wrenching desire for time spent with my husband that HE desires relationship with me more than any sacrifice, gift or action.

So in all our doing.....Let it be to cultivate relationship and our heart response be out of the relationship we have with our LORD!

"The one who pursues righteousness and faithful love will find life, righteousness, and honor."~ Proverbs 21:21

Update...

As you read in the previous post, I decided to choose peace rather continue to argue about what was in the best interest of our family concerning homeschooling. Prayer, prayer and more prayer :) ! In that moment of total surrender I began to feel the peace and rest I so desired from the LORD. So after a couple of days I approached my hubby and this topic again with a different attitude. We discussed our differences, though he did not change his  mind he still feels strongly about the structure of a school system; but, we did decided since i have already purchased all the materials for this upcoming school year we would carry on with homeschool for this next year and look at it again for the next year. 


I realized what had affected me so deeply with our first conversation.....I saw it as a direct threat to my abilities. He had, in my mind, affirmed what I had already toiled with and that is...." I'm failing them". Some way some how I was not measuring up. All the things i had tried was not changing my children's behavior. 


I will continue to pray and petition the Father for wisdom and a right spirit in and through all of this. HE WILL affirm me. 

"For I know the thoughts that i think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you." ~Jeremiah 29:11-12~

homeschool or public school?

I have so enjoyed homeschooling for the past 4 years. It has been such a blessing to see and know God as I have during this time.But the question has arouse yet again in discussion with my hubby; whether to continue homeschooling or send them to a nearby public school, as we cannot afford a private christian school. 

He strongly desires for them to go to school. His reasons are noble and understanding. My heart literally is breaking even as I am typing. I long to shape my children's world and guide their filtering processes through the word and personhood of God the Father. But I cannot ignore a very real desire of my husband's. So, as painfully as this is for me; I am going to wave my white flag.

So, Please be in prayer and intercession for me and my family as we step into a journey that deeply breaks my heart. Though this is but one element of motherhood and homemaking; it is a very rooted area for me.

~"Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you."~ 2 Corinthians 13:11


~"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."~Ecclesiastes 3:1


~"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; And lean not on your own understanding...."~Proverbs 3:5


~"So there is HOPE for your future, declares the LORD. Your children will return to their own land."~ Jeremiah 31:17

Our 7th Anniversary

Oh, what a day the LORD has made! How I am finding such a delight in what today means. The Lord has blessed my house with my husband and I celebrating 7 years of marriage today. How blessed we have been by our Lord. I awoke this morning with such a joy in my heart. We actually celebrated it yesterday. We went out to eat and looked around in a few stores. It was a nice day alone without little ones.

"Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God."   ~Ephesians 5:20-21~